Q: What materials do you use?
A: Only the best – wood and rubber.
Q: Are your pipes guaranteed?
A: Yes, I guarantee that they are pipes.
Q: Do they shrink in the mail?
A: Only slightly.
Q: Are your pipes filled with putty?
A: No, I prefer tobacco, but sometimes when I am entertaining children, I use soap bubbles.
Q: Where do you draw your inspiration?
A: On any piece of paper I can find. Sometimes cardboard is more readily available.
Q: How do you go about carving a pipe?
A: I go about on my feet, but when it is too far, I go about in a car.
Q: Are your pipes made entirely by hand?
A: No. By saw, sander, lathe, chisel, knife, file, drill, rasp … in fact, anything I can use to make a big block of wood smaller. I once tried whittling a stick with my finger, but found it was too dull.
Q: When did you start carving pipes?
A: When my wife threw out my entire collection of pipes – both of them – and I had nothing to smoke.
Q: What is your favorite pipe?
A: The one in my mouth.
Q: What is your favorite tobacco?
A: The one in my pipe.
Q: How do you break in a pipe?
A: I try very hard not to get a break in it, but sometimes accidents happen and then the pipe will not smoke anymore.
Q: Why do you give your pipes such stupid names?
A: Well, the English translation of my French surname, Du Toit, is Of the Roof – how stupid is that? And besides, it gives me something else to do.
Q: Why do you carve pipes?
A: This is a tough one that I would only be able to answer with an anecdote. A young German was working in a perambulator factory during World War II. His wife became pregnant and he decided to smuggle the parts out of the factory and build a perambulator for his child. After several attempts he finally gave up, because each time it was a machine gun. I tried carving motorcycles.
Q: Do you always have to be so flippant?
A: Yes, because the alternative is being humourless and morose. Pipes are fun and so they should be.
If you have any further questions, please submit them and I will try to ignore them for as long as possible